… prolonged use would cause car to crash twice a day. Occasionally
(for no reason at all) your car would lock you out. This would require
you to simultaneously lift the door handle, turn the key and tweak the
aerial. Occasionally, performing a three-point turn would cause your car
to stop responding. In which case you would need to re-install the

Any repainting of road markings would require you to buy a new model.
Tires would not be replaceable, they would only be designed for the
lifetime of the car. Need new tires ? Upgrade to a newer model.
Purchasing a new model would require you to take your test again, as the
controls would change for each new model.

Only the car’s owner would be able to install an air-freshner or empty
the ashtrays. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you
purchased one of the top models. Then you would be required to purchase
additional seating. New seats would require everyone to have the same
size arse.

All warning lights would be replaced by a single “standard” warning
light. Headlights, brake lights and indicators would be made obsolete in
the Mk1. Any accidents that occurred would be the fault of other
motorists who didn’t drive Microsoft Car, or drivers of previous
Microsoft models who’d refused to upgrade.

The airbags would ask you “Are you sure” before inflating. Pressing
“start” would turn the engine off.

Non-US users would still be required to drive on the right-hand side of
the road, regardless of any local standards. Any accidents caused by
this would be the result of motorists that don’t drive Microsoft cars.
Safety equipment (such as seat belts) would require replacing each
month. This would be a free service to Microsoft customers, although you
would be required to drive several thousand miles to collect them, with
a further 3 hours wait for installation.

Occasionally, your car may go missing for several hours overnight, or
you may find that someone else takes over, while you are still driving.
This would be the fault of the driver (and the choice of neighbourhood
through which the driver had chosen to drive or park) and NOT a fault in
the door locks or anti-theft device.