A radio station in Australia ran a phone-in
competition to find the most embarrassing moments in listener’s lives.
The following are the final four placegetters:-

4th Place
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and started to run amuck. I was finally able to grab
hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other
patrons. I told her that if she didn’t start behaving herself right now,
she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in
a voice just as threatening, ‘If you don’t let me go right now, I will
tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy’s willie last night!’ The
silence was deafening, after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers
stopped what they were doing! I mustered the last of my dignity and
walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing that I
heard as the door closed behind me were the screams of laughter.

3rd Place
It was the day before my 18th birthday. I was living at home, at my
parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over for
a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making love, we heard the
telephone ringing downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I give
her a piggy-back ride to the phone. Since we didn’t want to miss the call,
we didn’t have time to get dressed. When we got to the bottom of the
stairs, the lights suddenly came on and a whole crowd of people yelled
‘SURPRISE’ My entire family…aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and
all of my friends were standing there! My girlfriend and I were frozen to
the spot in a state of shock and embarrassment for what seemed like an
eternity. Since then, no-one in my family has planned a surprise party
again.

2nd Place
A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got
up to the checkout, she learned that one of the items had no price tag.
Imagine her embarrassment when the checkout chick got on the public
address system and boomed out for all the store to hear ‘Price check on
lane 13 TAMPAX, SUPERSIZE.’ That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear
of the store apparently misunderstood the word ‘TAMPAX’ for ‘THUMBTACKS’
In a very business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the public address
system: ‘DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU
BELT IN WITH A HAMMER?’

and the winner is……..

1st Place
This one happened at a major Australian University in October last year in
a biology lecture, a professor was discussing the high glucose levels
found in semen. A young female, raised her hand and asked, ‘If I
understand what you are saying, there is a lot of glucose in the male
semen as there is in sugar?’ ‘That’s correct.’ Responded the professor,
going on to add some statistical data. Raising her hand again, the girl
asked, ‘Then why doesn’t it taste sweet?’ After a stunned silence, the
whole class burst out laughing. The poor girl turned bright red and as
she realised exactly what she had inadvertently said, she picked up her
books, and without a word walked out of the class, and never returned.
However, as she was going out of the door, the professor’s reply was a
classic. Totally straightfaced, he answered her question. ‘IT DOESN’T
TASTE SWEET BECAUSE THE TASTE-BUDS FOR SWEETNESS ARE ON THE TIP OF YOUR
TONGUE AND NOT IN THE BACK OF YOUR THROAT.’

ImPatrickDownes