1. You’re asleep, but others worry that you’re dead.

2. You can live without sex, but not without glasses.

3. Your back goes out more than you do.

4. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into
the room.

5. You buy a compass for the dash of your car.

6. You are proud of your lawn mower.

7. Your best friend is dating someone half their age and isn’t
breaking any laws.

8. Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.

9. You sing along with the lift music.

10. You would rather go to work than stay home sick.

11. You constantly talk about the price of petrol.

12. You enjoy hearing about other people’s operations.

13. You consider coffee one of most important things in life.

14. You make an appointment to see the dentist.

15. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

16. People call at 9 PM and ask “Did I wake you?”

17. The end of your tie doesn’t come anywhere near the top of your

18. You wear black socks with sandals.

19. You know what the word “equity” means.

20. You can’t remember the last time you lay on the floor to watch

21. Your ears are hairier than your head.

22. You talk about “good grass” and you’re referring to someone’s

23. You get into a heated argument about pension plans.

24. You have a party and the neighbours don’t even realise it.