TESTICULATING

Waving your arms around and talking Bollocks.

BLAMESTORMING.

Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a

project failed, and who was responsible.

SEAGULL MANAGER.

A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, cr*ps on everything, and then

leaves.

ASSMOSIS.

The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by

sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.

SALMON DAY.

The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get

screwed and die.

CUBEFARM.

An office filled with cubicles.

PRAIRIE DOGGING.

When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people’s

heads pop up over the walls to see that’s going on.

(This also applies to

applause from a promotion because there may be cake.)

MOUSE POTATO.

The on-line, wired generation’s answer to the couch potato

SITCOMs.

Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage.

What yuppies turn into

when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the

kids or start a “home business”.

STRESS PUPPY.

A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE.

The fine art of whacking the cr*p out of an electronic device to get it to

work again.

ADMINISPHERE.

The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and file.

Decisions that fall from the “adminisphere” are often profoundly

inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

This is often affiliated with the dreaded “administrivia” needless paperwork

and processes.

404.

Someone who’s clueless. From the World Wide Web error message “404 Not

Found,” meaning that the requested document could not be located.

OHNOSECOND

That minuscule fraction of time in which you realise that you’ve just made

a BIG mistake (e.g. you’ve hit ‘reply all’)

New Oxford Dictionary definitions

GOING FOR A McSH!T

Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food, you’re

just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff member, your

declaration to them that you’ll buy their food afterwards is known as a

McSh!t with Lies.

AEROPLANE BLONDE

One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a ‘black box’.

AUSSIE KISS

Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.

BEERCOAT

The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise at

3am in the morning.

BEERCOMPASS

The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after booze

cruise, even though you’re too drunk to remember where you live, how you

got here, and where you’ve come from.

BOBFOC

Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crimewatch.

BREAKING THE SEAL

Your first pee in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking. After

breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be

required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.

BRITNEY SPEARS

Modern Slang for ‘beers’, e. g. “Couple of Britneys please”

GREYHOUND

A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.

JOHNNY-NO-STARS

A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who works

in a burger restaurant. The ‘no-stars’ comes from the badges displaying

stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their level of

training.

MILLENNIUM DOMES

The contents of a Wonderbra, i. e. extremely impressive when viewed from

the outside, but there’s actually nought in there worth seeing.

MONKEY BATH

A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you

go: “Oo! Oo! Ho!

Aa!Aa!Aa!”.

MYSTERY BUS

The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you’re in the toilet

after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the

pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.

MYSTERY TAXI

The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up,

whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in your bed

instead.

NELSON MANDELA

Rhyming Slang for ‘Stella’ (the lager).

PEARLHARBOUR

Cold (weather). An example of it would be – “It’s a bit Pearl Harbour” out

there (there’s a nasty nip in the air)

PICASSO BUM

A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she’s got

four buttocks.

SALAD DODGER

An excellent phrase for an overweight person.

SWAMP-DONKEY

A deeply unattractive woman.

TARTFUEL

Bottled Alcopops, e.g. Hooch, regularly consumed by young women

ImPatrickDownes