Here are some real phone conversations, taken from a certain call centre
of a certain University. Names have been omitted to protect the guilty.

Caller : How long does it take to get the Uni from London
Operator : About 4 hours by car, 5 hours by train.
Caller : and how long by bicycle ?

Operator : Are you an Undergraduate or Postgraduate
Caller : I’m 5ft 3 inches, which one is that?

Caller : Can I speak to Mr Lewis ?
Operator : Which department please ?
Caller : Doesn’t really matter where he is, as long as you get him.

Caller : I left my bag on the train station near the Uni
Operator : Can you describe it ?
Caller : It was blue and grey, long – about three coaches I think…

Operator : Would you like us to send you a Prospectus
Caller : What is that please ?
Operator : Its a book with all the courses we do.
Caller : No, I not read English very good.
Operator : OK, what course were you interested in ?
Caller : English
Operator : English as a foreign language ?
Caller : No, I want Teach English.

Caller : Can you tell me my email address, I have forgotten.
Operator : Yes, email us and we’ll tell you.

Caller : One of your students left his wallet in my cab. Can I take the
money out he owes me, before returning it ?

Caller : As you are close to the train station, do virgins go there ?
*Operator gets gold star for resisting obvious retort*