London should be prepared for the stupid questions forthcoming in 2012….


I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It’s a kind of bear and lives in trees.

Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow?

Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street?

Will I be able to speak English most places I go?

It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise.

Which direction should I drive – Perth to Darwin or Darwin to Perth – to avoid driving with the sun in my eyes?

I want to walk from Perth to Sydney – can I follow the railroad tracks? [seven thousand miles]

Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia?

My client wants to take a steel pooper-scooper into Australia. Will you let her in the country?

Do the camels in Australia have one hump or two?

Can I bring cutlery into Australia?

Do you have perfume in Australia?

Do tents exist in Australia?

Can I wear high heels in Australia?

Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population?

Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia?

Can I drive to the Great Barrier Reef?

Are there killer bees in Australia?

Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?

Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round?

Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. [there are no rattlesnakes in Australia]

Which direction is North in Australia?

Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule?

I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia?

Are there places in Australia where you can make love outdoors?

I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? [Kings Cross is the Red Light District]