Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the house,
Everyone felt shitty,
Even the mouse

Mum at the whorehouse
And dad smoking grass
I’d just settled down
For a nice piece of ass

When out on the lawn
I heard such a clatter
I sprung from my piece
To see what awas the matter

Then out on the lawn
I saw a big dick
I knew in a moment
It must be Saint Nick

He came down the chimney
Like bat out of hell
I knew in a moment
The bastard had fell

He filled all out stockings
With pringles & beer
And a big rubber dick
For my brother, the queer

He rose up the chimney
With a thunderous fart,
The son of a bitch
Blew the chimney apart

He swore & he cursed
As he rode out of sight
“Piss on you all…
Have a hell of a night!”