1. NAMES
If Louise, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch they will call
each other Louise, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.
If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to
each
other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
2. EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in £20,
even though it’s only for £32.50. None of them will have anything smaller
and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
3. MONEY
A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs.
A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.
4. BATHROOMS
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream,razor,
a
bar of soap, and a towel.
The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man
would not be able to identify most of these items.
5. ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
6. CATS
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren’t looking, men kick cats.
7. FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
8. SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
9. MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change and she does.
10. DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins,
answer the phone, read a book and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
11. NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
12. OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about
dentist
appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and
hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
13. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Any married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people
remembering the same thing.
AND FINALLY…
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to
concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of donkeys, cows and
pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, “Relatives of yours?” “Yep,” the wife
replied, “in-laws.”