7G01 (Some Enchanted Evening) – Bart with Lisa and Maggie Phone call for
Al…Al Coholic…is there an Al Coholic here? Wait a minute… Listen, you
little yellow-bellied rat jackass, if I ever find out who you are, I’m gonna
kill you! (Bart and Lisa laugh)
7G01 (Some Enchanted Evening) – Bart with Lisa and Maggie Oliver Clothesoff!
Call for Oliver Clothesoff! (Marge picks up the extension and hears:)
Listen, you lousy bum, if I ever get a hold of you, I swear I’ll cut your
belly open!
7G03 (Homer’s Odyssey) – Bart with Lisa Uh, is I.P. Freely here? Hey,
everybody, I.P. Freely! Wait a minute… Listen to me you lousy bum. When I
get a hold of you, you’re dead. I swear I’m gonna slice your heart in half!
(Bart and Lisa laugh)
7G06 (Moaning Lisa) – Bart with Lisa Uh, Jacques Strap! Hey guys, I’m
looking for a Jacques Strap! Oh, wait a minute…Jacques Strap It’s you
isn’t it ya cowardly little runt? When I get a hold of you, I’m gonna gut
you like a fish and drink your blood! (Bart laughs)
7F11 (One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish) – Bart with Lisa Hey, is
there a Butz here? Seymour Butz? Hey, everybody, I wanna Seymour Butz! Oh,
wait a minute… Listen, you little scum-sucking pus-bucket! When I get my
hands on you, I’m gonna put out your eyeballs with a corkscrew! (Bart and
Lisa laugh)
7F15 (Principal Charming) – Bart (in Principal Skinner’s office) Uh, Homer
Sexual? Aw, come on, come on, one of you guys has gotta be Homer Sexual!
(Homer:) Don’t look at me! Oh, no… You rotten little punk! If I ever get a
hold of you, I’ll sink my teeth into your cheek and rip your face off!
(Skinner, on the other end:) You’ll do what, young man? (Note the episode
capsule, as well as earlier versions of this list, says “rotten liver pot”
instead of “rotten little punk”)
7F22 (Blood Feud) – Bart with Lisa Mike Rotch! Mike Rotch! Hey, has anybody
seen Mike Rotch lately? Listen to me, you little puke. One of these days,
I’m going to catch you, and I’m going to carve my name on your back with an
ice pick! (Bart and Lisa laugh)
8F02 (Treehouse of Horror II) – Bart with Mrs. Krabappel and one of the
Sherri/Terri twins Uh, hey, everybody! I’m a stupid moron with an ugly face
and big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt Oh, wait a
minute…
(Bart laughs; Mrs. Krabappel sees him and then laughs as well)
8F08 (Flaming Moe’s) – Bart Uh, Hugh Jass? Oh, somebody check the men’s room
for a Hugh Jass! (There is a Hugh Jass at Moe’s; Hugh Jass takes the call)
8F09 (Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk) – Bart Bea O’Problem! Bea O’Problem!
Come on, guys, do I have a Bea O’Problem here? (Barney:) You sure do!
Oh…it’s you, isn’t it? Listen, you. When I get a hold of you, I’m going to
use your head for a bucket and paint my house with your brains! (Bart
laughs)
9F06 (New Kid on the Block) – Bart Uh, Amanda Huggenkiss? Hey, I’m looking
for Amanda Huggenkiss! Ah, why can’t I find Amanda Huggenkiss? (Barney:)
Maybe your standards are too high! You little S.O.B.! Why, when I find out
who you are, I’m going to shove a sausage down your throat and stick
starving dogs in your butt! (Bart tells Moe his name is Jimbo Jones and
gives his own address: Jimbo and Laura Powers are making out in Bart’s
living room)
9F06 (New Kid on the Block) – Laura Powers with Bart Ivana Tinkle? Ivana
Tinkle? All right, everybody, put down your glasses, Ivana Tinkle! (Laura
and Bart laugh)
2F19 (The PTA Disbands) – this isn’t at Moe’s; Moe is taking over as the
substitute teacher for Mrs. Krabappel’s class during the strike OK, when I
call your name, uh, you say “present” or “here”. Er, no, say “present”.
Ahem, Anita Bath? (the students all laugh) All right, settle down. Anita
Bath here? (more
laughs) All right, fine, fine. Maya Buttreeks! (still more laughs) Hey, what
are you laughing at? What? Oh, oh, I get it, I get it. It’s my big ears,
isn’t it, kids? Isn’t it? Well, children, I can’t help that! (Moe runs out
of the classroom crying as Bart crosses Moe’s name off of a list of what are
now former substitute teachers)
3F14 (Homer the Smithers) – Mr. Burns (Mr. Burns says “I’m looking for a Mr.
Smithers, first name Wayland”) Oh, so you’re looking for a Mr. Smithers, eh?
First name Wayland, is it? Listen to me, you; when I catch you, I’m gonna
pull out your eyes and shove ’em down your pants, so you can watch me kick
the crap outta you, okay? Then I’m gonna use your tongue to paint my boat!
3F17 (Bart on the Road) – Homer (Homer) Hello, I’d like to speak with a Mr.
Snotball, first name Eura (Moe) Eura Snotball? (Homer) What? How dare you!
If I find out who this is, I’ll staple a flag to your butt and mail you to
Iran!